Descriptive Reflection - Introductory Email
Greetings Mr Blackstone,
This email serves as a short introduction
about me and my goals for Critical Thinking and Communicating module.
I took up civil engineering programme at
Singapore Polytechnic in 2018 as I was encouraged by my father to give the
programme a try. Taking up civil engineering has provided me with valuable
insights and a sense of purpose as I gradually have come to understand the
importance of proper designs in various infrastructures.
My interest in civil engineering stems from my
strengths in math and physics and as well as interest in analyzing and finding
solutions to challenges.
One of my communication strengths is the
ability to speak clearly and confidently one-to-one. I used to serve as a staff
administrator during National Service and I handled matters concerning National
Service personnel’s allowances and leave issues. Being a staff administrator
during National Service made me realise that I can deliver clear messages and
instructions one-to-one.
However, one of my weaknesses is that I tend
to startle when speaking in front of people. For instance, when I share a
simple story among friends in a group, I tend to keep my stories brief and
short out of fear that I might confuse them. By doing this, I tend to miss on
parts which they might find interesting.
In this module, I aim to improve my
communication skills and speaking ability. I want to become a skilled speaker
so that, upon entering the workforce, I can express my ideas and suggestions
clearly to my colleagues and work effectively.
I am pleased to be your student and I hope to
become an effective speaker through your guidance.
Best Regards,
Jomel
Hello Jomel, your letter effectively outlines both your strengths and weaknesses, providing clear examples for each. Additionally, you have explicitly expressed your goals for the module.
ReplyDeleteHi Jomel, your introduction is well-structured, highlighting your journey into civil engineering, key strengths, and areas for improvement.
ReplyDeleteDear Jomel,
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for your patience regarding my comments on this fine letter. In it you've done a good job addressing each part of the prompt and elaborated appropriately. We get a clear image of who you are, what you have done in some significant stages of your life -- in NS, for example -- and what you feel you need for developing further your communication skills.
Not knowing you well, I do sense that you've focused well in this sharing, but I would have liked an example to bolster what you say makes you unique. I wonder about your heritage and whether or not you identify now still as Filipino, more so as Singaporean, or more of a "third culture" kid.
Just curious.
This is a fluent post, but there are a few expression issues to consider:
1. verb form/tense
-- ... I am always focus on task and I do not easily get distracted. > (spelling/parallel verb structures?)
-- I have taken up civil engineering programme at Singapore Polytechnic in 2018 .... > (tense)
I took up civil engineering programme at Singapore Polytechnic in 2018....
-- ... as I gradually understand .... > (tense) .... as I gradually have come to understand the....
Do you see why I'd suggest those two changes in tense?
2. inconsistent use/overuse of caps
-- See the noun phrase **civil engineering** and the variety therein. :)
-- strengths in Math and Physics
3. redundancy
-- brief and short
I look forward to learning more form you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
p.s. One more thing: I wonder if you could change the font out of italics mode.
ReplyDelete